


How To Woo A Lady (Apparently)

by 1Storywriter1



Series: An Amazing And Marvelous Duo [8]
Category: Captain Marvel (Marvel Comics), Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man (Comicverse), Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Avenger Deadpool, Carol Danvers is a Mess, Deadpool being Deadpool, F/M, Peter Parker is a Mess, Peter Quill is a Madman, Spider-Man References, Wade Wilson Breaking the Fourth Wall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-23
Updated: 2019-09-23
Packaged: 2020-10-26 16:24:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20745185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1Storywriter1/pseuds/1Storywriter1
Summary: After the finding out some insane news, Peter sits down and has an awkward conversation with his friend and aunt.Deadpool shows up too, and tries to seduce Carol for some reason.Who knows anymore...





	How To Woo A Lady (Apparently)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone!  
New story (obviously), and this is gonna be an interesting one...  
This is set pretty much straight after Spider-Man: Ultimate Babysitter, so if you haven't read that, some stuff might not make sense.  
Hope you guys Enjoy the story :)
> 
> P.S.- I kind of picture the aunt May in this story more like the MCU one than comics, not that it can't be the comic version if that's how you want to see it... I'm gonna stop writing this now, before I dig myself into a hole...

**Parker Residence...**

Peter was definitely more freaked out than he should be. Or maybe he wasn't, he didn't really know. He just knew that apparently his best friend was now dating his aunt. For how long, he was going to find out, but it has to be one of the most scariest things Peter has ever done, this conversation. And that's saying something!

"Okay", Peter started after several moments of silence between the three, "How- How long has _this _been going on?"

There was a very long silence, where Quill and May must have been mentally talking with how they were looking at each other, but finally they said, "About... six months."

Peter's eyes pretty much popped out from the answer, and his brain basically exploded as well. Finally, he could properly function again and simply said, "Alright."

"Alright?", the other two repeated, looking at Peter weirdly. They both knew that once Peter found out, things would become weird, and so far it was going about how they expected.

"Alright", Peter said once _again, _"I... have no idea what to say. You guys have been going out longer than me and Carol _have_! This is so weird! Why'd you guys have to go out together. Is Quill gonna become my new uncle? Because I don't know if I can go from calling my friend by his name to 'uncle Peter'. Oh man, oh man. I think my head will actually _explode _if I find out anymore. I just need to know the basics, how serious this is, okay?"

May and Quill both nodded once Peter finished his rambling/whining/brain explosion.

"First off, how many dates have you had?" Peter asked.

"We've had about four", Quill answered.

"Four, okay. Four in six months, that might mean it's not meant to be", Peter quietly half-hoped to himself. The other two heard though and glared at him. "Sorry. Next question. Erm, have you guys kissed before?"

"A _few_ times, yes", May answered next. Peter slightly slumped over where he sat. Now that horrifying image was stuck in his head. Wonderful.

"Last thing now. Oh God, I'm scared. Have you- have you guys..." Peter trailed off with a vague hand wave. His aunt and best friend didn't say anything, and he could tell by the looks on their faces what was up. "That's fine, that's okay! I know enough BYE!!!"

With his mind definitely broken forever now, Peter quickly (more bolted) left the house, thinking on the way out his voice at the end was way too high pitched.

_This... this is going to take some getting used to, _he thought. He knew he would, but still. There was no way he _wasn't _going to be supportive, but c'mon, his _aunt and best friend_? Together? That was impossibly unexpected. He would wrap his head around it... Eventually.

**Avengers Tower...**

Peter eventually wound up at the Tower after stopping about half a dozen crimes on the way there, and immediately collapsed into the nearest chair. Eventually, he was found and snapped out of his thoughts though.

"How'd it go?" Carol asked after seeing how Peter was sitting. She'd found that she could tell things like how he was feeling just like _that _now. "You look kinda out of it."

Peter was quiet for a moment, then after sighing, he said, "It went how you'd expect it to go. I'm probably scarred forever now, but I'll get over it pretty soon I reckon. I'm not gonna _not _support them just becuase one's related to me and the other's my best friend."

Carol just gave a sympathetic smile. "I'm not gonna say I know how you feel, because I don't, but I know what kind of person _you _are, and know that you'll be okay with it soon enough."

"Hopefully I can get used to it", he admitted honestly. Then he got up, kissed his girlfriend and declared, "We should do something. I seriously need to distract myself, and we haven't done anything in ages."

Carol opened her mouth to say something, but just as she was, a new voice interrupted.

"YES!!! Let's do something! Something _cool_ and _dangerous. _Carol, you can sit next to _meeeee! _Wink wink nudge nudge."

The two Avengers groaned. It seemed Deadpool had come to visit.

"Wade!" Peter said in an incredibly forced cheer. "It is _so _good to see you. I thought you were on that really important Avengers mission Old Cap gave you?"

"Well, I _was_", the mercenary replied, "but nothing was happening at the Antarctic base- well actually, I got mauled by a polar bear _and_ a rabid penguin, but that's not the point! The real point is that I just wanted to see my ol buddy ol pal Petey, and layeth the smexual smackdown on everyone's favorite Captain. I'm talking about the lady one, by the way."

Peter and Carol just gaped at the crazy assassin, although Carol was way more offended than Peter. They did give him a weird look though, when Deadpool whispered the last sentence to the air, not even looking at them.

"Listen here Wilson", Carol commanded, "I would say 'great to see you', but it's really not, and you are not laying a 'smexual' smackdown on anyone, _especially _me."

The former X-Force member was quiet for the tiniest of moments and then sadly said, "Wow, sexy Cap, I thought you were cool. I mean it's not like you gave _your _marriage to the devil to save some old lady, or were apparently a secret HYDRA agent for like the last seventy years- although apparently you are gonna become evil and kill an Avenger in November, what's that abou-"

Wade stopped his rant for a moment to look at the other two's faces, and saw that they had no idea what he was talking about.

"-Oh yeah, this is a fanfiction. Nevermind. Either way, let's get c_rayayzy!_"

**Cental Park...**

The three heroes were now taking a stroll through Central Park, after Deadpool had all but _dragged _them the whole way.

"-And that's how I found out you _don't _stick strange looking objects up a person's holes. Anyways, you guys catch the game last night?" Peter and Carol looked at him with anamused looks, and to their annoyance, his smile became even bigger, extremely clear despite the mask. "Oh, you so did. I bet you watched it while BONKING!!!"

Wade's outburst got some weird looks from other people near them, and Spidey and Captain Marvel tried to shrink into the background, despite the bright coloured costumes. It was unsuccessful though though, as then some suspicious looks were thrown from Deadpool to _them._

"What the heck, man!" Spidey whisper-yelled at the man. "You don't just go around saying stuff like that! And if you know me and Carol are together, why do you keep making passes at her."

"Because I can!", the merc with a mouth happily replied. "Plus, this story would be pretty boring if I wasn't here. Am I right, or am I right?"

Again, he directed that last part to the air. They'd never get used to that.

"Oh, be quiet! They would so be used to it if I weren't words right now!"

...

"Yeah, that's what I thought!"

"Wade, who are you talking to?" Peter asked, feeling so done with this.

"Nunya", the mercenary replied. Peter groaned.

_I hate this. So much. _That was his only thought.

**Hell's Kitchen...**

"Wade, why are we in Hell's Kitchen, and why are you wearing that moustache?" Carol asked, so done with the man's antics.

"_We _are here so I can get Daredevil's autograph- he never signs it when it's just me, but I read 'Date Night', and I know you guys are bestest friends with him. So... you guys just have to con him into signing. And the moustache is so I'm not recognised." Deadpool matter-of-factly answered.

"Why wouldn't you want to be recognised?" Spidey asked before the Captain could.

"Oh, because I _may _have slightly angered some residents here."

The wallcrawler rubbed his head. "Of course you did. But you realise we have too?", he said, pointing at himself and Carol. Deadpool just stared at him with wide eyes showing through the mask. "Friggin'- of course you didn't."

Deadpool showed a big smile to the other man. "You know me so well, Petey."

The three walked around for about an hour, (much to Peter and Carol's chagrin) and didn't find Darevil. After some struggling, they managed to convince Wade it was time to go, and he started sadly walking back to the Tower, his head held low. But before they could go anywhere, they were stopped by some tough looking street gang.

"Wait a second", one of them squeaked out, "why are we taking out three Avengers." His criminal companions looked at him then agreed, realising how idiotic they were. Deadpool started laughing though.

"Are you being serious, squeaking criminal? You jumped us so this story had a fight scene!"

The collected criminals stared at the merc for a moment, then shrugged. Apparently what Deadpool said made sense to them. Weird.

The first criminal raised his fists, and swung at Deadpool. The somehow Avenger let out a maniacal cackle while he dodged the attack, winked at Carol, and shot the criminal square in the face with a potato gun, knocking him clean out.

"You know you can't woo women by shooting people, right?" The half-kree explained.

"Worked with Domino", he quickly said while dodging and stabbing another criminal in the nards. The criminal gasped out and Wade drop kicked him into a wall, knocking him unconscious. He bowed to the Captain, and she just grumbled some offensive words under her breath.

Spider-Man, who had finally had enough of his teammates antics, decided to jump into the battle. He jumped into the air, zipping down on a web and hitting a third and fourth criminal with a split kick. When they fell over, Spidey webbed them up, getting cries of protests and curses from the two he just defeated. Next, he ran up to the fifth, sliding between his legs and bouncing up and jabbing the guy in the neck, knocking him out.

Meanwhile, Deadpool was taking on another three criminals. He pulled his gun on them, and remembering who he was teamed up with, groaned, unloaded the gun and threw it at one of the criminals. He charged at the criminal he distracted with his weapon, and landed a clean punch to the guy's face, then kicking his feet out from under him, leaving the criminal a groaning heap on the ground. The other two criminals came at him at the same time, one jamming his knife into Wade's skull, the other blasting him with a shot gun in the chest. 

Deadpool flew back and hit the ground with a groan. The gang members were about to cheer (huh, return of the gullible villains), but then saw the somehow Avenger slowly get up, pulling the knife out of his head.

"First off: Ow. That really hurt guys. Second: screw _you _writer! I wouldn't have been stabbed in my beautiful face if you'd let me use my gun. Third: you crimmies are so done. Sexy Cap! Save me!"

Captain Marvel heard Wade's whining, and after taking out the two guys who had tried attacking her, went over and picked him up, while Spider-Man took out the last two criminals, webbing the shot gun and slamming it into the gang member's face and knocking him out, and webbing up the other one so well where he was standing, he couldn't move in the web. 

"C'mon Wade", the space captain said while lightly slapping the man's face. "We took them out, you can stop playing dead now."

"I can't stop", he said, and then with a wink, "I'll only wake up when a certain captain kisses me. Not Steve Cap, FYI."

The Carol Cap just let a frown pass over her face, then flicked Wade hard on the nose.

"Ow", he cried, jumping up and cradling his nose, "You bwoke mah nohse."

She just smugly grinned at the merc, while Spidey laughed in the background. It seemed that there was some fun to hanging out with Deadpool after all.

**Avengers Tower (Again)...**

The heroes had finally returned to the Tower after the fight they just had, and the merc with a mouth had tried to whine about his nose the whole time, but only succeeded in making it slightly worse, until it finally healed. The moment they entered the Tower, Wade had pulled off his mask and gone to the infirmary. He came back out a few minutes later, with a brightly coloured band aid over his nose (for basically no reason at this point).

"You look like one of those gangsta rappers trying to be kid friendly", Peter remarked, not hiding his amusement at all.

Wade grinned at him. "Don't tempt me, Petey. You know I'll release my mix tape if you do that." 

Peter involuntarily cringed at the thought of listening to Wade's rapping, but got over it pretty quickly. "Maybe I'll have to listen it."

"Really? You'd do that?" Deadpool asked in childlike wonder.

"Maybe", the spider hero said in a mysterious tone. The other man's face had about a dozen different reactions to the cryptic answer at once, but recovered and walked away.

"Ugh, finally. He's gone", Carol sighed while she flopped onto a couch. Peter smiled, and went to sit next to her.

"Yeah. Sometimes the guy's fun to hang out with, others, he's just mega annoying."

There were a few minutes of comfortable silence, the couple just snuggling up to each other. Then Carol asked, "So, have a good day in the end?"

Peter looked at her for a moment, then nodded. "It was pretty good. I mean sure, Wade was annoying and totally weird, but that's to be expected. I did have a pretty good think about May and Quill though."

"Yeah?" Carol replied, looking up at her partner. "What did you think?"

"I decided that I'm one hundred percent for it. I mean, it's gonna be weird for a little- for obvious reasons- but it's not any different from anyone else."

Carol kissed him on the cheek. "Good to hear."

The two looked at each other for a moment then started to grow closer, until-

"Petey! Sexy Cap! I think I broke something important!"

The two heroes groaned, and went to see what damage Deadpool had done. To say they were surprised to see the room the merc was in on fire, would be a big understatement, as Peter was already holding the extinguisher, getting ready to put it out.

"I hate you, Wade. I really, really do."

**Author's Note:**

> The end of another story!  
Hope you guys enjoyed this. I have no idea what I'm doing next, but I guess if you have any ideas you could suggest something. I guess we'll just have to wait and see.  
Until next time, bye :)


End file.
